cereal stalker update

Mr. Tobi Hill-Meyer was quoted by Ms. Anne Williams in the May 30 Eugene Register Guard:

“Over the past two weeks I’ve dealt with hate mail and gained the attention of a serial stalker, so I’m happy to de-escalate things for now rather than create more conflict”
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When I spoke with the Eugene Police Department officers at the Wayne Morse Free Speech Plaza on Saturday, I learned a little bit more about the so-called cereal stalker. On April 1, 2009, an employee at the Albertson’s at 18th and Willamette found a box of Kellogg’s Raisin Bran scattered on the floor in the cereal aisle.

EPD Detective Dan Braziel described the scene. “It was awful. The flakes were totally smashed into what was practically a powder. The raisins weren’t smashed, but they were totally smushed. The first responders were horrified. They hadn’t seen anything this bad since the Pop Tart massacre of ’03.”

EPD Detective Mercy McDonald elaborated. “We hoped and prayed that it was an isolated incident, but on May 2, 2009, 911 dispatch received a call from the Winco at Beltline and Barger. A box of Cocoa Puffs had been scattered on the floor and stomped on. It was total dust. Given the ethnicity of the cereal, we labeled it a hate crime.”

EPD Lieutenant Scott Fellman went on. “EPD Chief Pete Kerns decided that stopping the cereal stalker was EPD’s number one priority and suggested that the Eugene City Council ban stores from selling cereal because it was too dangerous. But while the eight councilors were mulling over the idea, there was a terrifying incident at the Fred Meyer’s on West 11th suggesting an escalation of the violence. Right next to the carrots, there was a watery mess of stringy, greenish material. At first it was believed to be broccoli or cucumber. But after a SWAT team removed the material and tested it in the Oregon State Police forensic lab, we realized that the violence had escalated and that we were now dealing with a celery stalker.”