felonious duck

KVAL and an Oregonian blog reported on the arrest of UO defensive linebacker Terrance Montgomery for assaulting a woman in Springfield and the subsequent premature dismissal of charges by Lane County District Attorney Alex Gardner.

The Register Guard, print edition of the Oregonian, KEZI and KMTR decided it wasn't newsworthy.

According to LCDA Chief Deputy Patty Perlow, the reason LCDA Alex Gardner decided to drop the felony assault charges against Mr. Montgomery initiated by two first responders from the Springfield Police Department is that there was "insufficient evidence to prove the case beyond a reasonable doubt." [quoted by John Tierney, KVAL]

The standard for initiating charges against regular people is "probable cause." The standard for initiating charges against javelinas (i.e. Judd Warden, Wayne Dorman, Jimmie McBride, John Sharlow, Sean Trotter, Roger Magana, Juan Lara, Mel Thompson) and ducks (LeGarrett Blount, Terrance Montgomery, Darron Thomas, Luke Belotti) is that the DA is sure from the get-go the case can be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. Or if they don't want to prosecute a drunk driver, they'll say "we weren't sure we could prove it beyond a reasonable doubt" as if that were the standard of indictment when in fact, it's the standard of conviction.

The fact that Chief Deputy Perlow chose to give such a blatantly invalid reason for dropping charges of assault against a woman makes a mockery of her alma mater (UO Law School) and of her gender. She is just as much of a sexist prick as the asshole she reports to and his predecessors (thug harcleroad and snortin horton).

It is not surprising that the news media chose either to ignore the latest example of a felonious duck whose claim to fame is that he's good at kicking dead pigs while wearing gonad-revealing green and yellow lycra or to pretend patty's bullshit on behalf of alex made sense when it did not.

I guess given that EPD Chief Kerns is a rabid pro-drunk driving/anti-MADD activist, I should not be surprised that LCDA Chief Deputy Perlow is a rabid pro-domestic violence activist.

cowhumper kozinski

Plaintiff is advised that Rule 12(f) of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure provides that a court may strike any matter that is “redundant, immaterial, impertinent or scandalous.” The word ‘scandalous’ in Rule 12(f) ‘generally refers to any allegation that unnecessarily reflects on the moral character of an individual or states anything in repulsive language that detracts from the dignity of the court.”

The Court
09-cv-06126-TC
Docket entry 92 (p. 2)

Plaintiff makes rude, personal, disparaging and disrespectful (but totally non-contemptuous!) comments regarding the neuronal capacity of USDC-OR judicial decision makers more frequently than most people floss. Plaintiff mocks USDC-OR Chief Judge Aiken and former USDC-OR Chief Judge Haggerty on the basis of sex, race and procreational/spousal decision making more frequently than most people breathe.

Given that the plaintiff has mocked the neurons and/or genitals of ~50% of USDC-OR judicial decision makers and one member of the USDC-OR@WLMUSC clerical staff, further such mockery might be construed as redundant.

Plaintiff grants the plaintiff one exemption from the “further mockery of relevant Federal judicial decision makers is redundant rule.” United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit Chief Judge Alex Kozinski was discovered to have uploaded degrading pornographic images of women dressed like cows from his personal computer onto the internet. While plaintiff believes the disgusting sexism and condoning of bestiality (a felony) warrants his removal from his gig as Chief Frocked Fuck in San Francisco, the consensus among the legal community was that it didn’t even rise to the level of warranting recusal from a first amendment case.

While plaintiff is disgusted that Chief Judge Aiken and her counterparts in the ninth circuit and the members of the United States Senate (who have the power to fire Cowhumper Kozinsksi) condone this sexist, felony-condoning behavior, plaintiff is not surprised that Mr. Kozinski sexually targets cows. No human would hump him.

Dedicated to James Hiller and Kary Pratt